I'll tell you; I full out knew that Joshua was going to leave when I was dating him. He had a date set for April 19th when we started dating, even. Then he had his accident with his hand, and that took away all chances of a contract for a while. Me and Joshua even think that they were trying to make him step down because they can't afford to pay somebody that can't do their full job while he was recovering with two surgeries and rehabilitation and healing.
So things between us blossomed, and I wasn't really expecting him to leave until Summer of 2011. We are best friends, really, He's my best friend. Nobody gets me like he does.
|Blanket Forting, March 2010|
:) This was right after his 2nd surgery, what a grumpy old man he was.
Now; Joshua found out he was getting this contract two weeks before he left. We had just gone through a rough patch, so we decided to patch things up before he left for the health of our relationship. I did it with the Vow to try and better myself.
I was starting to go to the LDS church; and let me tell you, without Elder Norton and Elder Garcia, I don't think I would have changed anything. I'm so grateful with their help in guiding me and teaching me and just keeping me company through this all. They were so supportive and I'm thankful for that. :)
The day rolled around that Joshua left; I spent the night at his place; he kissed the grumpy/sleepy/sad Sarah a goodbye and that was it for a week or two. I packed up a few things from his apartment; like his camera and his blanket to take and barrow till he gets back. Well, he might not get this blanket back from me. :P
The first night; was by far the loniest I've ever felt in my life.
I found out one of my best friends passed away the day before. To add into the confusion and pain and lonliness; this was a friend over the internet. In a community of people online that I had pretty much grown up with. Me and Tyler had known each other for about five or six years. We had even e-dated when we were younger, lol! My support system with all of our friends was only over the internet. No hugs, no wiping away tears, no shoulders to cry on. We only had words. Words and pictures. And boy, there was a lot of art that came up. I wrote a Memorial of sorts for those that didn't know.
These two events; my boyfriend leaving that morning and losing a great friend, left me feeling like I was lost and lonely and I couldn't make myself feel better.
And I stayed like that for a few days, but as I began to talk about it, cry about it, draw about it, pray about it, and read about it, I was able to come out of it. And I don't think I could have gone about it in any better way, given the circumstances.
I played with horses; I worked, quite willingly on really really cold nights to help my friend Sydney with Horse and Carriage rides. A lot of these I just rode up front with people and helped with little things. Eventually I'll get better with working with the horses. But I'll never get over the odd people we'll bump into that are interested in horses. Or the terrible children that have equally poor parents. Do they not realize the dangers of a horse when they let their kids run and scream all about them?
First time I ever ate a Red Velvet Cupcake.
I hung out with family. I really do appreciate everything they do for me. I can't describe how much I appreciate it. I really took it for granted when I lived with them. I guess that's a part of moving out and growing up.
I hung out with friends. Now; I'm a big hermit. I really don't like to go out to friend's places. I couldn't tell you why, it's likely got to do with being anxious about it or something. I donno. But I hung out with whoever showed up. I also went to see two Movies; the Chronicles of Narnia, and the new Harry Potter.
I wasn't really that into either series, Harry Potter was good, but the Narnia film was really a waste of $10. The dialogue in Narnia was pretty much like if I wrote it; it wasn't very good, really plain and dull stuff.
I got my root canal. And then I got an infection for the cyst that caused me to get the root canal. I should really get a picture of the cysts that form. They're so painful. I don't know why they're not just taking out the cyst... It could easily form into a problem that they could regret not removing, in my opinion. But I'm no doctor and I often worry.
Giving up coffee all week; has made me crave brownies. I could NOT tell you why in the world I crave brownies more than coffee; but I think it's the richness I want to replace the crazy strong coffee I used to make. At least if I cheat and eat a brownie, I won't reaaally be breaking the Word of Wisdom. I just can't afford it, nor do I want to really eat sweets and make my acne get bad. I have self control over this!
Last night; Josh came online and we went on webcams, he sang me a Song. And I cried. I really just wanted to hug the laptop and cuddle it non-stop. I grabbed his blanket and I cuddled in it while we spoke. he didn't have a mic. But he could mouth words and I understood. He could also type; but that isn't as fun. I sang to him before he left.
By far; it was the best night I've had in so long. I love my Navy boy, with all my heart. And He knows it.
Tomorrow; he'll be home. Within the next day or so; I'll have my boy back. And he's not going to be able to move for a good hour because I will be stuck to him like glue at the doorway. He knows it, and expects it.
Gosh, I love him.
The Navy may have my sailor; but I've got his heart.
|Taken by Sydney|